pregnancy brain

Oke so honestly I tried to write something a little less whoooopie than the upcoming words but my pregnancy brain is just all over the place so here you go.

I wonder if when I ask questions, I’m really looking for answers

Or am I just waiting to figure it out on my own

I wonder if I can give someone else the credit for knowing something I didn’t

I wonder if I can let go of the endless battle of trying to win. Trying to be that something special. It’s when we let go and surrender, where we find true joy.

But what if the only joy you’ve ever known came from achieving, from compliments, from feeling special, from the chase.

To be fair: I’m ashamed of that.

I struggle with that.

We are all looking for this endless pool of happiness, like we are never arriving at that destination. Always on the go.

Like I talked about with our bodies: always on the go, never arriving.

Always a list of things we need to do before we can be happy.

A vacation that needs to happen, before we can be utterly fulfilled.

A relationship that needs to happen. A corner in the house that still needs to be cleaned.

There’s something, always something.

Because if we just surrender and just relax, we get anxious

Like we’re loosing control of the dopamine kick.

We need the kick, the fast life, the short videos, the 2000 new impulses every single day. If I don’t watch myself closely I loose myself in chasing likes and engagement on social media.

In a blink of an eye my happiness can be dependent on it.

But sometimes you feel something that is far away from anything you ever felt.

It’s when something is so beautiful it makes your mind stop.

It’s a certain song you’re hearing for the first time.

It’s a sunset that is like anything you’ve ever seen before.

They say that’s why some people chase adrenaline kicks. Because when you jump out of an airplane your mind stops.

And you just float there in space.

(Btw I’m guessing this, I’ve never jumped out of an airplane :p)

How nice would it be if we let our mind stop a little more often

If not, all the time

Because we are chasing things on the outside for us to be oke on the inside.

But as long as we are on the road to happiness we are never going to arrive

We’re already here

just like this baby sheep